“Red Hot Chili Pipers”

Duncan Robb traveled from England to Belfast with his girlfriend in hopes of catching Red Hot Chili Peppers in concert as a Valentine’s Day gift. But what they got was the Red Hot Chili Pipers, a bag-pipe cover band. Still a great band, but BIG difference.

“When I clicked on and got tickets in row Q and for 30 each I thought what a bargain, there must not be many tickets left and snatched them up straight away,” said Robb. “Also, I saw the date was February 10th, so I could make it into a Valentine’s Day weekend, kill two birds with one stone.”

Robb gave the tickets to his girlfriend for Christmas – and in all this time, neither of them realized the word “Pipers” on the ticket until after they were in Belfast. “[We] just had to laugh about it, what else was there to do!” says Robb. “The only saving grace was that we had found out three days before and not while we were in the arena!”

“Contest Alert!”

An Arkansas law firm is holding a Valentine’s Day contest for a free divorce. Wilson & Haubert, PLLC posted the contest on Facebook. All you have to do is fill out the submission form explaining why you deserve a free divorce. You can even apply on behalf of a friend. Brian Haubert says they’ve already received more than 40 submissions. “People see the post and get a laugh,” said Haubert. “And whoever wins the special gets to laugh, too, because they get what they want.”

“Tough Love”

Republican U.S. senate candidate Kevin Nicholson is getting some tough love from his parents who apparently donated money to his rival. Donna and Michael Nicholson both gave $2,700 to current Democratic Senator Tammy Baldwin. Nicholson is currently in primaries against Republican state Senator Leah Vukmir. The winner of that will face Baldwin in the fall. Though Nicholson is representing the Republican Party, his parents have a history of donating to Democratic candidates. Nicholson says, “My parents have a different worldview than I do, and it is not surprising that they would support a candidate…who shares their perspective.”

“A Bold Assertion”

A “time traveler” claiming to be from the year 2030 is making some pretty bold statements about the world’s future. Noah claims Donald Trump will be reelected as President of the United States and robots will take over the world. He also reveals humans will make it to Mars in 2028 and there will be a cure to many cancers. What’s even more astonishing is that he made these statements while hooked up to a lie detector… and he passed. The video has been posted to Apex TV and some users aren’t buying it. But it’s worth mentioning that if you believe a delusion…it’ll come across as truth on a lie detector test… just saying…

STUPID CRIMINALS:

• A Maryland “psychic” has been convicted of fraud again. Gina Marie Marks, who worked under the alias Natalie Miller, allegedly stole $340,000 from five people. She has since plead guilty to multiple counts of felony theft. Marks plead guilty to similar charges in 2009 and 2010. She didn’t see this coming?
• It seems that the Washington man with the license plate, “Dirtbag,” lives up to his name. He got into an altercation with another driver after he rear-ended them with his red Camaro in line at a carwash. The “dirtbag” who was dressed as a security guard suddenly pulled a handgun on the other driver. When officers arrived he managed to punch a cop in the face and threatened to kill three others. They say he also made racist remarks about the other driver. “Dirtbag” – and no, he hasn’t been identified beyond that – was charged with first degree assault with a firearm, assault on a police officer, malicious harassment, obstructing police, and resisting arrest.

“Zombie BotPocalypse”

A computer virus is set to attack America’s lonely hearts just ahead of Valentine’s Day. According to IBM, an aggressive robot network of six-million “zombie bots” will be let loose this week. IBM’s X-Force, which tracks down cyber threats says 230-million spam messages dressed up as dating ads have been slamming email inboxes with the virus.

During Valentine’s week, X-Force suspects the bots to increase. This attributed to a notorious botnet, Necurs. In a statement, the folks at X-Force say, “Preying on seasonal trends is probably the top characteristic of email spam. Those behind this campaign will likely lure their victims to share revealing photos and extort them, ask for money to come visit, or end up infecting them with malware.”

How can you avoid getting scammed? Look for bad grammar and spot if an email return address differs from the arrival email address. The New York Post also says to look for too-good-to-be-true come-ons.

“A Day Better Than Sliced Bread”

Missouri lawmakers are considering marking an official day for slice bread. A bill is pending in the state House to designate July 7th as Missouri Sliced Bread Day. Supporters say this will help promote tourism in the northern Missouri city of Chillicothe, where the first commercially sliced bread was sold on July 7th, 1928. The city holds a Sliced Bread and Jam Bluegrass Festival every year as part of celebrations. The bill is still up for final vote in the House and if approved needs to pass the Senate. If it does, this would be the best thing to happen in Chillicothe since… well… sliced bread.

“AWOL Vacation”

The good news – a missing Ft. Bragg family has been found at a campsite in Rhea, Tennessee. Deanna and Travis Reynolds, along with their 19-month-old son Cooper were last seen visiting family in Utica, New York a few weeks ago. After brief communication with Deanna’s father, Scott, they apparently fell off the grid after saying they were headed for Niagra Falls. The bad news – officials have confirmed that Travis has been AWOL from the base for about a month. Police do not suspect foul play.

STUPID CRIMINALS:

• Police in Utah have arrested a man who broke into a public safety building using empty vodka bottles. Once in, Siosifa Lolohea reportedly meditated on the floor in the station until cops arrived. When they got there, Lolohea was described as “incoherent” and making strange statements about “looking for Jesus” and “nice shoes.” Lolohea was reportedly upset the police were messing with his meditation time. Lt. Craig Martinez notes that there was a doorbell Lolohea could have used.
• Police Arrest “Obit Bandit”: Massachusetts police have arrested Randy Brunelle for breaking into people’s homes while they attended wakes and funerals. The “Obit Bandit” was a suspect in a series of break-ins on Cape Cod. He has previously served an 18-month prison sentence for breaking into a police officer’s home as the officer attended his mother’s funeral. Brunelle is facing multiple charges including felony breaking and entering.
• A Californian women claims thieves took the 500 cockroaches she ordered. Rosalinda Vizina is an entomologist, or someone who studies insects. She ordered the roaches for a project, but the box they were contained in was stolen. It’s believed the thieves were looking for tax forms to make bank off of this season. Vizina says, “I feel bad for the roaches in case they got smushed or tossed or something like that. For the thieves, I hope they went everywhere.” Us, too.