“Exercising Demons”

The Vatican is set to hold a week-long international conference in April after demands for exorcisms have increased. The church is particularly concerned about the inconsistent skills in current exorcists and fear priests are no longer willing to learn how to do it.

This all comes after a four-day meeting in Sicily where one of the organizers, Friar Beningo Palilla, said there are at least 500,000 cases asking for exorcisms a year in Italy. Why so many? Palilla thinks it’s because people often see fortune tellers and Tarot readers that “open the door to the devil and to possession.” Regardless of the demand, Palilla thinks priests could use some extra training.

He suggests intense training for priests to become exorcists including an apprenticeship. The goal of the conference will be “to offer a rich reflection and articulation on a topic that is sometimes unspoken and controversial.”

“Vote ‘The King’ for Congress”

It seems that Elvis Presley is gunning for the open congressional seat in Arkansas. We’re not talking about the actual King. Elvis D. Presley actually impersonates the rock and roller Elvis A. Presley, but now he’s switching gears to run as the Libertarian nominee for congress in Arkansas. His opponent? Republican Rep. Rick Crawford, who’s held the position four terms.

“Wiz Kid in a Doozy”

A boy got trapped on an elevator in China after peeing on the control panel. Surveillance camera shows the boy taking a wiz on the buttons, which caused the elevator to malfunction. The doors never fully open and the elevator eventually goes dark sending the boy into panic. Turns out his pee caused the control panel to short circuit. He was eventually rescued, but he and his family are expected to pay for the damage he caused.

“Think Before You Ink”

A U.K. tattoo artist, Eli Ink has inked his entire body including his eyeballs and the inside of his mouth. The process for inking his eyes could have gone terribly wrong, but he doesn’t care. It’s all part of his plan to look like a character in a Pablo Picasso painting.

“In my opinion, the only person who will only ever understand my transition properly is me. I don’t attempt to describe it to anyone,” Ink says. “I wanted to look like an abstract character in one of Picasso’s paintings. I love the abstract look, no thought, just pure expression.”

Tattooing his eyes could have had horrible consequences, but that was a risk Ink was willing to take. “That’s the risk you take letting anyone near your eyes, even trained surgeons can make mistake,” he notes. “Body modification is a risk taker’s lifestyle.”

So with all he’s done to modify his body already, what’s next? “I will never be finished,” he offers. “It will take me the rest of my life to finish my studies but I am dedicating the rest of my life to body modification and perfecting my work.”

STUPID CRIMINALS:

• Australian police have arrested a man who managed to fit 650 pounds of the meth ingredient ephedrine inside highlighter markers. The New South Wales Police Force teamed up with the Australian Border Force after finding 50 boxes of 21,000 pens containing the substance. This amount of ephedrine could have been used to make $120-million in meth.
• Police in Missouri have arrested Jonathan A. Menth after he led cops on a chase while driving an ATV naked. Menth led the chase for about 20 minutes and even went on the interstate. Police were eventually able to arrest him and he’s charged with second-degree burglary, tampering with a motor vehicle, and first degree sexual misconduct.
• A Florida man was arrested after setting his neighbor’s Corvette on fire. Brandon Rivera claims his neighbors have stolen things from him including his lawnmower. Rivera used a Gatorade bottle filled with gasoline and poured it into the car. He then lit it on fire with a lighter, closed the door of the car, and walked away. His neighbors’ roommate was there at the time and put the fire out with a garden hose. Rivera was charged with burglary and arson.

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