'OFFBEAT NEWS' FOR DECEMBER 8TH

‘Offbeat News’ for December 8th

OFFBEAT NEWS:

The sound of the holiday season is Christmas music and the all familiar sound of the Salvation Army’s red kettle bell ringers. It turns out there’s at least one person with a ton of holiday spirit, and plenty of expendable cash, in Portland, Oregon.
According to the Salvation Army’s reps, someone left $10-thousand in a kettle outside a Portland grocery store. The donor is still anonymous but his or her money will stay within the Portland area and help local citizens.


Each year, Michele Boudreaux and her family leave a basket of goodies for the delivery men and women who come to their New Jersey house. The treasure trove includes candy, tissues, lip balm, hand warmers and they’ve never had a problem with people stealing items…until now.

“This thief took the good stuff. And I wanted to cry,” Boudreaux explains after finding more than two-dozen squares of Ghirardelli chocolate missing. “Why would they take the most expensive chocolate on the tray? Why not rob us blind of all the Reese’s and Mini Snickers since I can’t seem to stop eating them?”

After some investigating – which included a specially placed security camera – it was discovered the thief wasn’t a human, but a very hefty squirrel. “I mean, this squirrel is so obese — a jolly ol’ chap — he must be prepping for a decade of winters,” Michele adds. “He’s digging and digging and digging and then he TAKES OFF toward our backyard carrying whatever he possibly can.”

So far, the Boudreauxs haven’t found the squirrel’s stash, but they have started putting their treats in a case that requires opposable thumbs.


If there’s one profession where you should keep your multitasking to a minimum, it’s surgery. Mary Edwards says she was fully alert as Dr. Eric Fishman operated on a varicose vein she was having fixed. During the operation, she heard the doctor talking on his cell about having diabetes and blurred vision.

Understandably, she was a bit concerned her doctor had blurred vision but it turns out that wasn’t the real problem. Dr. Fishman’s vision was fine, he was just taking a Spanish proficiency exam as he operated on Edwards.

In the end, te surgery went fine, but 70-year-old Edwards is suing Fishman claiming she suffered emotional distress. “She was in absolute terror during the operation,” Edwards’ lawyer explains. “She had no clue what was going on until after.” Her suit seeks unspecified monetary damages.


STUPID CRIMINALS:

There’s such a thing as too little, too late. Police in Sidell, Louisiana are asking the public’s help to identify a home burglar. It shouldn’t be too hard considering the man only covered his face with a towel after he realized he had been caught on camera. While the unknown crook was smart enough to steal the homeowner’s security camera, he didn’t figure the video backed up to the cloud.

Someone needs to explain to Zachary Immler that just because you’re a cop doesn’t mean you’re above the law. Also finders isn’t always keepers. The 31-year-old West Palm Beach police officer is being charged with grand theft after he stole $6,520 during a drug raid. His jig was up after a woman who lived in the house told cops there was more than $5-thousand stashed near a dresser on the floor behind the curtains. When they couldn’t find it, Immler admitted to his sergeant that he had taken the money and hid it in his car.

A woman called police in Bangor, Maine after she heard noises in her basement. According to the anonymous woman, her dog was barking aggressively at whatever was down there. As it turns out, the “intruder” was a roll of duct taperoll of duct tape that fell off a shelf and bounced down the stairs.

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