OFFBEAT NEWS:

Dog Escapes Animal Hospital

When Travis Campbell and his family went on vacation, they boarded their 10-year-old Great Pyrenees named General at the Aquia-Garrisonville Animal Hospital in Stafford, Virginia. General didn’t appreciate that.

The pup managed to not only unlock his cage, but also open multiple doors within the office before eventually getting outside. Luckily, General was found at a nearby house and reunited with his family.

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There’s A Woman In The World Named Isis Harambe

Think your parents cursed you with a bad name? Meet Isis Harambe Spjut, which unfortunately recalls not only the terrorist group, but the gorilla that was killed after a small boy got into his zoo enclosure. Andre Golo posted a photo of Isis’ license on Twitter, which has since gone viral.

While some people think the license must be a hoax, others figure the woman legally changed her name for the laughs and confused looks.

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Python Found Inside Hotel Dresser Drawer

Leaving something behind when you check out a hotel room is common enough. Forgetting your five-foot-long python? That’s unusual. And apparently, someone who had stayed at the Marriott Residence Inn in Worcester, Massachusetts left their serpent in a dresser drawer.

Cleaning staff discovered the python and Animal Control came and removed it. At this point, no one faces any charges for abandoning the animal.

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STUPID CRIMINALS:

Bank robber drops some of his cash as he flees:

Police in York, Pennsylvania are looking for a bank robber with butter fingers. The man is seen in security footage making his escape from the Members First Credit Union on a bicycle…and dropping some of his cash in the meantime. The best part? He puts his bike down and walks back to grab some of the loot he dropped. Police haven’t arrested anyone at this point.

Fight over parking spot turns bloody:

A pair of Detroit women in their early 20s were arrested in a fight that ending with someone getting stabbed… and started over a parking spot. According to authorities, a group of women was trying to pull into a space when another group of women took the parking spot. The groups got out of their cars and started fighting. The crowd watching the fight egged the women on and filmed the incident, which has since gone viral. At some point, one of the women pulled out a knife and began stabbing people. A 30-year-old had to be rushed to the hospital. Again, all of this was reportedly caused by a parking spot.

Father/daughter duo sell pot brownies at school basketball game:

If you like your brownies with a little something illegal in them, it’s best to keep that in your own kitchen. Robert Johnson, a serious contender for stupidest father of the year, baked a batch of weed brownies then gave it to his teenage daughter to sell at a Palm Bay, Florida high school basketball game. Two students ended up having to go to the hospital, one by ambulance after becoming unresponsive. It turns out Johnson had been growing marijuana at his house and enlisted his daughter and five others to sell special baked goods. The whole gang has been arrested and we know Johnson faces drug charges, including delivery of a controlled substance to a minor.