OFFBEAT NEWS:

Woman Who Thought She Was Fat Actually Had A Tumor

When Mary Clancy started filling out, she wasn’t surprised. The 71-year-old from Allentown, Pennsylvania thought she was destined to be “a short round, fat little old lady.” When she reached 365 pounds, despite dieting, she went to the hospital and that’s when doctors discovered a 140-pound tumor.

It turns out Clancy had a cyst in her ovaries that had grown over the years. Luckily, surgeons were able to remove the cancerous, Stage 1 mass in a five-hour operation. When all was said and done, she lost 180-pounds of tumor and tissue.

Clancy has recovered from surgery and is now working on regaining her balance as a much, much thinner woman. In even better news, she’s cancer free.

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Mamas In Texas Solve Problems The “Texas Way?”

Let’s hope some apples fall very far away from the tree. A pair of parents who were dropping their kids off at an elementary school in Deer Park, Texas apparently had a disagreement of some sort. At one point, one pulled a gun on the other.

While the gun wasn’t fired, and no one was hurt, kids were in both cars at the time of the altercation. Several parents and kids witnessed what was going on, and one of the probably more rational of them called the cops.

It’s unclear if the gun toting parent is facing any charges, but the Deer Park Elementary principal sent a letter out to other parents explaining “conflicts such as the one that took place this morning have no place at our school.”

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Lost Pig Stops By A Home Depot

A pig walks into a Home Depot…but it’s no joke. ‘Hamlet the swine’ made his escape after strong winds knocked down the fence at his Portage, Michigan home. The pig went for a mile-long walk before popping by the home improvement store.

“We looked out the side door and there was a pig on the hill,” a Home Depot employee says. “He’s super friendly, he’s very sweet, doesn’t make too much noise, believe it or not.” They kept Hamlet happy with treats and posted his photo on a local Facebook page for missing animals.

Within hours, Hamlet’s very grateful owner picked up her pet porker.

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STUPID CRIMINALS:

Couple uses ketchup to stage murder:

Nataleigh Schlette and Micah Risner are either incredibly stupid, very easily bored, or both. The Sandusky, Ohio couple staged a grim photoshoot and made it look like Micah had killed Nataleigh. What’s more, they sent the picture to other people. “She got into the bathtub, and they put ketchup all over to make it look like he murdered her,” Sandusky police Sergeant Dawn Allen explains. “He started sending the picture and texting that he did it.” They’re both facing inducing panic charges and could be hit with more if investigators see fit.

Drunk guy steals forklift because he “had to drive”:

When most people get drunk, they want to eat or text an ex. Edward Quinton wanted to steal a forklift – and so he did. The 44-year-old from Rhode Island was in Marathon, Florida helping a friend move when he lost his car keys. Quinton ripped the forklift and crashed into a gate, telling police he “needed something to drive.” In a total “not shocking” development, Quinton’s blood alcohol level was also twice Florida’s legal limit. He’s now facing drunk-driving, criminal mischief, burglary and grand theft charges.

ICYMI: Police investigating $4.5-million makeup heist:

A group of thieves decided to skip robbing a store and go straight to the source. The Los Angeles Police Department is now on the hunt for whoever stole $4.5-million worth of eye shadow from Anastasia Beverly Hills’ warehouse in the city. The group was organized, too. It’s believed they cut a hole in the roof of the warehouse and made off with 100,000 packages of the beauty company’s “Modern Renaissance” eye shadow.